*Regardless, the hat yet again drifted away from Mattoid’s grasp as she went diving for it! And again, and again, as the thin lure line kept jerking it further and further towards the port of San d’Oria, causing quite a spectacle of a Red Mage in hot pursuit of a flippity, flappity, fluttering chapeau!*
*This would probably be a much stranger sight if the citizens of San d’Oria were less acquainted with this particular red mage. But as her arrest record shows, this is probably not the case. THE CHASE. CONTINUES.*
What, you wanna hop an airship or somethin’? ‘Cause we can do that! I won’t even attempt to smuggle anything!
*Fortunately for the apparently felonious Red Mage, the chase was drawing to a close. How could this be concluded? Why, by the fact that the line the chapeau was attached to was nearing what it was attached to, that being a Hume Fishing Rod that had been laid next to the dock, and happened to be next to a Kingdom Aketon-donning, Lancer’s Mezail-on-head covering Elvaan, who looked to be amidst a nap between moat carp fishing!*
*Which begged the question, if the rod’s owner was asleep, why had it gotten jerked and yanked? Well, that answer was obvious! The apparent Dragoon’s blue-skinned, reptilian companion of a wyvern variety had been busily getting himself tangled in his master’s fishing line while he napped. Like a Mithra with a ball of Yagudo Yarn had the wyvern gotten himself in to quite a messy mess of mesh and wire, the resulting movements and rolling around causing the prior and unintentional luring of that chapeau.*
*WITH A FINAL, TRIUMPHANT BOUND, ACCOMPANIED BY A WARCRY THE LIKES OF WHICH HAVE NOT BEEN MERITED BECAUSE THAT IS A TERRIBLE IDEA AND YEARS-OLD MEME THAT NO ONE REMEMBERS, MATTOID GRABS HOLD OF THE HAT AND LANDS WITH A MIGHTY DOOF*
GOT YA! Thought you could run, eh? Well this bird’s got legs and she knows how to use ‘em! Ha ha ha!
gibemonies:
“I was going to kill it for food, you moron! If y—”
Her ears twitched, picking up the squawks of the herd of dodos. The vapid, empty-eyed beasts were running towards them, apparently wanting to avenge the wrongdoing exacted on their brethren. Ehr scrambled to her feet and grabbed Mattoid’s arm, trying to haul her to her feet.
“You might think they’re cute and all, but I don’t think even you would want to be caught in a dodo stampede. Come on!” she urged.
Mattoid opened her mouth to protest again, but decided against it upon noticing the encroaching horde of angry birds. She gladly let the mithra pull her up.
“So do we run or do I sleep ‘em?” she said nervously.
gibemonies:
Ehr’s cry of victory was short lived as the other let go, making her topple over with the dodo landing on her chest. The bird weighed heavily on her chest, rendering her unable to breathe. Her hands slipped off the feathers, and the dodo tried to run off.
Her hand shot out to grab its leg, but the other leg kicked up and scratched her face, causing her to yelp and let go. The dodo had escaped, and Ehr was left clutching her face in pain.
“What in the Hells is wrong with you?!” she roared, kicking in Mattoid’s general direction.
Mattoid let out a small yelp as Ehr’s foot connected.
“What’s wrong with me!? Who tries to kill something so blatantly adorable on a whim like that besides every adventurer who’s ever lived!” she said, glaring at the Mithra.
gibemonies:
face8alwaysdies:
The red mage quickly rolled to the side, holding onto the poor bird for dear life. “You’re one to talk! You’re made of meat too! I bet some dragon or orc or somethin’ would say the same thing about you!” she shouted.
“Just. Just look at it! Look into its eyes!” she added, holding the bird out in front of her. The dodo stared ahead blankly and unblinking.
Ehr bared her teeth and hissed, grabbing the dodo. It squawked and flapped, only serving to anger her further.
“Stop being an idiot and hand the bird over!”
Gripping it as hard as she could, Ehr tried to wrestle the bird from Mattoid.
“Never!” she replied, tugging the frantic bird back. It kicked one of its legs back hard into her diaphragm, knocking her back and driving the breath out of her lungs. Her grip on the bird loosened as she fell.
gibemonies:
Ehr made an exasperated sound, gesturing to the bird in annoyance.
“It’s food! I’m going to kill it, carve it, cook it and eat it. There’s no way you want to keep those repulsive bags of meat for anything other than food, anyway. Move aside, I’m catching dinner!” she barked, lunging for the bird in the other’s tight grasp.
The red mage quickly rolled to the side, holding onto the poor bird for dear life. “You’re one to talk! You’re made of meat too! I bet some dragon or orc or somethin’ would say the same thing about you!” she shouted.
“Just. Just look at it! Look into its eyes!” she added, holding the bird out in front of her. The dodo stared ahead blankly and unblinking.
gibemonies:
face8alwaysdies:
“Start on?” she asked.
Mattoid stared at the birds. She’d never seen anything like them before. Tiny wings, a rotund form, long beak, large eyes with a wide, vacant stare. Quite charming, really.
She idly wondered if these little beasties were tamable. For that matter, just what was her new companion talking about, ‘starting on’. Fiddling with her gloves like that.
‘Oh. Oh!’
“Wait, are you gonna fight ‘em!?”
“Yes, yes I am. Stay behind me. I don’t want to be responsible for a corpse in the middle of the desert,” Ehr jabbed, locking the metal bracers in place.
If anything, she could always eat Dodo meat for dinner.
“But. But look at them!” she cried, rushing ahead and grabbing one of the hapless birds and hugging it tightly as it squawked. “Look into its eyes! They’re too precious and stupid to kill!”
The dodo turned its head and jabbed the madwoman several times in the forehead with its beak, unsure what to make of its strange captor.
gibemonies:
Ehr turned and pointed to their east, towards a herd of dodos.
“I’m going to start on that group of birds over there. Join me if you want,” she offered, strapping on her gloves.
“Start on?” she asked.
Mattoid stared at the birds. She’d never seen anything like them before. Tiny wings, a rotund form, long beak, large eyes with a wide, vacant stare. Quite charming, really.
She idly wondered if these little beasties were tamable. For that matter, just what was her new companion talking about, ‘starting on’. Fiddling with her gloves like that.
‘Oh. Oh!’
“Wait, are you gonna fight ‘em!?”
gibemonies:
face8alwaysdies:
“A foreigner? Well, to you, I guess, but I know this place like the back of my hand. Totally.”
Finding no more knowledge in either the sky or brim of her hat, the red mage focused her attention at the fellow adventurer and smiled.
“Of course, I’m never one to turn down a tour of… This place. Which is… Er.”
“Eastern Thanalan, perhaps?”
She’d let the other have her fun. Why not, anyway? It’d be fun watching a hapless foreigner stumble around places— that is, if she didn’t get them both into trouble, like attracting the attention of a group of billygoats.
She snapped her fingers.
“Yeah! Eastern Thanalanalanalan!”
That certainly sounded better in her head, not like that was anything unusual for this particular red mage. Her smile turned a bit sheepish.
“Well, you should probably lead the way. I mean, if you’re gonna become a great monk, you gotta know how to get around on your own. I shouldn’t hinder your education now, right?” she said.
gibemonies:
face8alwaysdies:
“Eorzea? That sounds familiar,” said Mattoid. She crossed her arms lightly, gazing upwards in concentration.
“That’s… Is that one of the islands near Olzhirya?” She tapped her foot idly before adding, “Yeah, that’s gotta be it.”
“…You a foreigner, Mattoid?”
If the other turned out to be a really strange foreigner instead of a spy, she wouldn’t be surprised. Her luck was terrible as always.
Ehr’s tail drooped.
“I can show you around if you’d like,” she grumbled.
“A foreigner? Well, to you, I guess, but I know this place like the back of my hand. Totally.”
Finding no more knowledge in either the sky or brim of her hat, the red mage focused her attention at the fellow adventurer and smiled.
“Of course, I’m never one to turn down a tour of… This place. Which is… Er.”
